I'm feeling very frustrated today.
I want to be supportive of my partner but sometimes it's hard when it feels like he's just being lazy and I'm doing everything, again.
It brings me right back to when we first moved into this house and he would just sleep all the time and I couldn't get anything done and all I wanted to do was finish the house renovations but I couldn't because he would be sleeping in the room I needed to work on.
And I mean we are all feeling sick but I'm still doing a bunch of stuff and he's just sleeping all the time. I don't want to sleep because my dreams suck ass right now. They are horrible and leave me shaking and upset almost every day.
So, instead I work and accomplish things. Because that's what I do when I can't control anything else. So I've drawn things, written things, did the reading and higlighting of two chapters in cinder and ash now, baked, cleaned, cooked, and anything else I can think of to keep the annoyingness away from my brain. I even composed a synth track today for when I vlog.
What I really want to do is finish painting the tiny strip of wall that I have left to paint. That way I can make the paint for my studio and even start painting the bathroom and hallway. I just want my house to look nice! Why is it such a fight to do?!
Oh well I know this is temporary and if I keep going I will be able to do all the things that my heart desires. I will get that money that I need and I will make this house and my life as lovely as I've imagined it to be because that is the life that I and my son deserve. I deserve the independence that comes with an income, I deserve the peace, happiness, and calmness that is going to be overflowing me as I get that money and make my life better. I just know it's going to happen any minute.
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