Today was an alright day, mostly good in fact, except for one big thing... the results of all the cardiologist tests.
All the tests were supposedly normal. I asked how that could be when I had episodes of arrhythmia and couldn't finish one of the tests because I almost passed out? She basically told me that it was all fine and normal. Then she basically tried to say that I felt this way because I was fat which I told her that I have had these symptoms even when I was 160lbs so no it has nothing to do with my weight. I also have flair ups every time I try to exercise so how am I supposed to do more than I already do to lose weight? I try... I really try... I barely eat, I DO exercise 4-5 times a week, I do everything in my power to lose weight...
Then she told me that she wanted me to keep getting blood work done and go to a neurologist. Like what the fuck does that mean? I couldn't tell if that was a serious thing that she thinks that there is something wrong with my brain or that she thinks I'm faking it. Then she told me "If you are still experiencing these symptoms in three months, THEN we might do a tilt table test" AKA the goddamn test that you are supposed to give to diagnose POTS. The test that I was already given once by my other doctor who DID diagnose me with POTS over a year ago. But this doctor doesn't believe that diagnosis... I don't get it! I've been going to her for over 6 months already and I have had these symptoms the whole time so why does she think that will change in 3 more months?
I haven't felt so unseen and unheard by a doctor in such a long time. It really threw me into a tizzy of just frustration and annoyance. I've done so many stupid tests for them to just tell me nothing is wrong with me. Then they had the audacity to act like I was an asshole because I wasn't happy about the "normal test results". Like yeah bitch! This is just more not listening, no answers, doctors think they know everything while knowing nothing bullshit. Wasted my time for months just to act like I'm the asshole... UGH
I doubt that a neurologist will find anything and the thought of having another brain scan or MRI makes me want to scream. I guess I don't have a choice because no one wants to listen to me or do the things that I ask for because I fucking know what's wrong with me. Stupid bullshit...
I wrote quite a bit today but it's been hard. I haven't finished things that I wanted to do today. Like I said that damn frustration from doctor bullshit threw me for such a loop that I haven't had the energy to do anything.
I hope to get some more energy and maybe complete some more tasks tonight before I go to bed.
At least I don't have much to do tomorrow so I will dedicate the day to making progress and resting. I deserve it, and maybe a batch of cookies and a nice pizza for dinner. Maybe I'll make some bagels, I have been wanting to try again. We shall see what I want to do once the morning comes.
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