Day 105: Will I Ever Sleep Normally Again?

Published on December 24, 2025 at 8:32 PM

Oh, sleep, my dearest love/hate relationship. I go to bed early to try and sleep well, get up at 6am. Sleep from 1:30 to 5:30pm And here we go again where I'll probably be up all night long just to counter the weird sleep that I have had. 

Since I have been having trouble sleeping, I'm also still having trouble writing. Which is understandable but annoying. I'm trying to give myself a break from writing but it's hard because that's what I want to do. But I really can't make the words flow the last like two weeks. It's been like pulling teeth trying to write, even now writing this blog I can't form sentences very well. 

It's annoying. 

I've been trying to draw and do art instead but that hasn't been coming much easier. Which is weird to me because ya know creativity is my release and the thing that helps regulate me and make me feel better. To not be able to do it, or not do it easily, if VERY frustrating. 

I have to do something with my hands or I get under-stimulated which is almost as bad as overstimulated to me. Maybe worse, because it feels like I'm crawling out of my skin. I wonder if other people feel that way. Like I literally feel like I'm going to freak the fuck out if I don't find something to do creatively. Well, especially doing something with my hands. Doing things with your hands helps regulate emotions the most according to a few of my therapists. 

Obviously that is drawing, writing, crafting, crocheting, and my other little hands on activities like that. But none of them are hitting right at the moment. Maybe I'm just too tired. Maybe I'm feeling burnt out by all of the emotional things that have been happening in my life and the back to back illnesses that I've had. Maybe I need to just be patient and wait for the inspiration to come back. But that is way easier said than done... 

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