What a bizarre day. I had a really bad headache last night so I went to bed super early. Like 10pm which is weird early for me, but my head was pounding and I couldn't deal with it anymore. Well that fucked me because I ended up waking up at 3am and fully getting up at 4am.
Then I just started writing and doing a bunch of kitchen work that I've been putting off because of lack of energy. I also made two loafs of sandwich bread because we were out of bread. I talked with my sister for a while which is always great and a good way for me to de-stress. Then I went back to writing for a few hours. I am having a lot of fun with all of the different projects I have going on right now. And I'm really leaning into the whole multi-project gremlin creating method that seems to keep me motivated, and slowly I keep finishing the projects that I'm working on. So, it's working better than the method I was doing before!
I wrote a think piece for Substack, not sure why honestly, I just had a random thought about writer's styles and methods and the fact that I struggled for years to figure out how to finish my projects because I was trying to force myself to do it in a way that I thought was "proper" but it was stifling me. And I wanted to talk with people about it. I hope they like it, I even linked Sarra's video in it because it is what helped me find my own specific, unique style.
Then I tried to take a nap because it was 2pm and I was really, really tired. By 4pm, I was being woken up to people being angry and having to immediately figure out what's going on. I'm apparently never allowed to sleep. Well, it turns out there was a miscommunication, basically my fil assumed something instead of talking with people about it, told us the assumed (WRONG) information which is what we based all of our plans off of, just to be told that is not what was set up to happen. It has to do with our move too so even though to me it's not the biggest deal. It won't mess up us getting our money or getting the house, it is just something that would be annoying because we would have to wait to get things like furniture until we get into the new house, and we would have to live there while the handyman works on it. Like to me that's shitty but not life ruining, it just is something that we'd have to work around. But our realtor submitted a petition for us to stay for a little longer to move. I think they will say yes for the petition because of my fil and the fact that he is an old man with cancer.
But I'm trying to stay going forward and keep creating my projects because that is how I stay focused and in a good mental space. Speaking of space, IBOS chapter 2 is up but it hasn't been doing very well yet. Hopefully, in the next couple of days it will pick up? Maybe I should try my reaching out on people's comments and that stuff again? It's hard to do that, seriously, because I don't want people to feel like I'm using them for views or subscribers and I also know that I'm not the greatest at replying to people or staying in contact with people because I get very easily overwhelmed and self isolation is my immediate go to soothing method. And that damages a lot of friendships I've had over the years. I would be lying if I said that I'm not worried about that hurting my author career in the future. I'm trying so hard to keep that under control and be responsible and respectful about my response time but sometimes I still slip up. But that is a part of my mental health, chronic illness, audhd triple combo pack of issues lmao.
I started a new personal manuscript that is called Memoirs of a Burden. This is a collection of personal essays and poems talking about my trauma, my toxic family past, and the many, many times that I have been abandoned before moving out at 16. It will also touch on those themes of being made to feel like a burden throughout my adulthood too, touching on times I went through homeslessness, domestic violence, and being a teenage single mother through it all. It is going to be hyper personal and I hope that it will help me work through those leftover unhealed traumas that come from parents that didn't really want you, being the black sheep of the family, being queer, being neurodivergent, being on the fringe, an outsider, an unwanted nobody. I hope that the book resonates with people.
Alright, time to go wind down, do a little editing and get ready for bed.
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