I feel like today was good but I don't feel like I've accomplished enough today.
I slept in, I allowed myself to sleep until 2pm but I'm still tired. I'm still exhausted and my back is killing me and no matter how much I sleep or rest, those things are not changing. It's really frustrating me because it's hindering my progress on housework. Then I feel guilty for hanging out with my family or resting because I feel like I'm not accomplishing enough.
I'm worried that I'm fighting off autistic burnout. I don't want to feel so weird, so tired, so guilty like I'm always dong the wrong thing or not doing enough. But enough for who? Enough so that other people think I'm doing enough? Enough that people don't think I'm lazy or think poorly of me? So I don't think poorly of me? I don't know.
We had some kids here today, which was fine for the most part. Henry had fun which is the most important part. Even if I got super overstimulated because it was literally eight kids counting my kiddo aged 2 through 14. It was A LOT to deal with plus one of them ripped the curtains off the wall, on accident but still I have to put it back up. And one of them was not listening and going around the whole house looking through all of our stuff which was really weird and I told her multiple times to hang out with the other kids but she just wasn't getting it. I'm glad that my kid had fun but geez was I glad we set visiting time to end at 8pm...
I love kids too but there was a reason that I only had one kid myself lol.
I transplanted my seedlings into the garden bed today. A lot of them had grown through the seeding pots so I had to bury the whole thing in the bed lol. Some of them I was able to get out though and plant directly into the soil. And the seedling filled up my whole garden bed! I am still planning on throwing some black berry and jalapeno seeds in there but I have to harvest those ones still lol. Gods I hope that my babies grow big and strong. I can't wait to eat food grown by my own hands and pick flowers that I grew. The first pasta sauce made with my tomatoes will be divine. The first stir fry with my sugar peas will be magical. That first bouquet that I gift to a loved one will feel so joyous. That is something that I really look forward to.
Oh, I can't find my hard drive that I'm 95% sure has the final draft of T3HM on it and I can't find it anywhere else. I really hope it's on that hard drive because I would be really upset if I lost it. That would really really REALLY suck. Like I can rewrite it but I really don't want to lol.
Phil let me get some more gardening supplies and some really good pizza for dinner so I'm going to try to do a few more things tonight but honestly I don't know if I have it in me to or not. I'll see what I feel up to doing.
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