Day 288: Okay

I feel a little better today. 

Things are what they are with my life and breaking up. Yeah it's crazy but he really was a bad person. I always knew he was abusive to me but I let it slide because of how good the good times would be. 
But it's not okay, it never was okay for how he talked to me and my loved ones. The things he did to me weren't okay either and now I can find someone that will actually love me. Love me for me not for how I love them. Not for what I can do for them while then hating and resenting me over things that weren't my fault or miscommunications because he didn't want to communicate. He just wanted to talk at me and have me agree like a stepford wife. Even when he said the most horrible and disgusting things. Like people deserving rape and torture. Then I was a weakling for telling him that was wrong. I was pathetic because I wouldn't just give in to his bullying. He thought he could manipulate me into being as bad as he was but I'm just as stubborn. I've always had a strong sense of right and wrong and no one can change that. 
Im so tired. I just want to sleep all day today. I got up early and did therapy which was hard but I've started to be blatantly honest about what he would do to me. The responses from people make me feel better and worse. Because why the hell did I put up with seven years of that? Why did I do that to myself and my son? But I can't change that now. I can only move forward now. 
And that's what I will do, move forward and move on. 
I've already started making steps forward today. I went and got my social security card which is the last step I needed to do to get an id and that will fix a lot of things in my life. But of course that was something that I've been trying to get done for years ans he just wouldn't help me. He didn't care about me and my needs. He made me wait to get important medications because he didn't feel like driving me to the pharmacy. He still hasn't done anything with the dog like bring him out to the bathroom. I miss Chucky... and Evie but at least I could possibly see Chucky even if it's in passing. I hate that it has to be that way but what else is there to do.