I still feel like shit. I can't smell food without puking. I haven't eaten in many days and I'm still not able to sleep for more than two hour stretches. And I wake up with my heart racing and the walls closing in around me.
There was some progress today, I suppose. Me and Phil talked for a while and both of us decided the best course was civility. Which is what I wanted the whole time. I want to be able to see my dog and it would be really difficult for me to live in this area with him being right down the road. I couldn't even leave this house without seeing that one and him.
We were able to talk through some things that were really needed and I feel better. I mean the whole thing is still horrible and I hate it but at least I don't have this feeling of my heart being squeezed into oblivion anymore.
Though this does not mean we will ever be together again. It does mean that we can get along well enough to not make each others lives harder.
Im going to go over tomorrow to see Chucky and help move some of my stuff and grab a few more things. I'm sure it's going to be hard to see him in person but I also think this is a good thing.
Maybe he will finally heal and become the person I saw him as for so long. The person I know he can be. But he has always been the only one who could fix himself and no matter how much I tried and fought and struggled to get him to do it, he has to do it. I was not perfect in the relationship either, I had and have my own battles and struggles with mental health and all so I'm not just blaming it all on him.
Well, I'm gonna try to go relax and maybe sleep. Maybe I'll be able to now that I feel a bit more calm.
Add comment
Comments