My sleep is still so fucking fucked, I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I need to pull one of those 24 hours awake thing and then go to bed really early tonight. It's hard to do that but I think I would prefer it to the damned sleep and dreams I've been having lately.
Last night's was particularly shitty. Where my dreams play on every single insecurity that I have been dealing with and rub it in my face like a goddamned asshole. Really painful things that just get to play on repeat through my head all day long. Oh well... I don't know what to do about it that's any different than what I'm already doing. I try to meditate, I've started journaling again which usually helps but it just hasn't lately. I don't know, I guess I'll just keep trying.
Phil had to go to the ER because his blood pressure was super high, like scary high in my opinion but thankfully the doctor said that he is okay and is helping him get set up with a primary care physician. Which is great because that has been something that he has been having a hard time with for the last few months.
I have been pretty successful with my first day back on my notebooks, even though I set quite a few to do tasks for the day. I'm not beating myself up over the few that I was unable to do because I accomplished a lot. I started writing chapter 10 of IBOS, I drew half a page of my comic FLUFF, I did more outlining of a story idea that I've been playing around with, I finished coloring the picture of Priah, and I read a bunch of chapters in Cinder And Ash to prepare for editing. See? And that's only the creative things. I also did the dishes, did more house preparation for the house stuff, and cooked homemade buffalo chicken tenders for lunch. I'm also about to go make either burgers or tacos for myself because that chicken was all I ate and that was a real long time ago, something like ten hours, eleven maybe, possibly longer, I can't really remember lol. But I am super craving beef, which usually means my iron is low and I should eat some beef. I just can't decide which one to make because I really want a burger but I don't really want to make a burger. And I love tacos but I don't know if that's what I feel like making either. I wish I didn't have to cook and just could go poof and the good, hot food was just ready. That's the problem when you are a good home cook, I crave my cooking lmao. Like I don't usually want pizza other than mine, except that one restaurant that makes AMAZING pizza. But for most things, I just want my food but I don't want to have to make it lmao. Usually because I have no damn energy and my kitchen gets really hot and I always have to clean something before I'm able to cook. So, yeah... That's fine though because when I do cook, it always brings me that good good dopamine and tastes that much better. Just gotta make up my mind on which one...
I think I should do the tacos because I can leave the left over meat for bubby and I know he would love that. I can't wait to bring him and the pets home today. I've missed him so freaking much. I hate that he's had to stay up at my sister's for so long. I feel really bad about it... but it was for his best interest. Ugh. It's been a horrible complex conundrum that has plagued me the last week... I've been wracked with guilt about it but thankfully my sister has been super awesome about the whole thing.
Okay my stomach is growling, I'm gonna go make the food now and prepare for trying to stay up until tonight.
Add comment
Comments